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Earn Member Points!
by: Joseph Doorflooger (L.A. Happy Times)

Originally conceived nearly twelves years ago on a small South American island by a barhopper, this notion of a higher-order points system is finally coming to fruition. Today, in NuTANG's state-of-the-art, research lab, located in San Jose, California, the final touches to the Protista Points System (PPS) are carefully being made.

The whole idea behind PPS is quite astounding. Members of the site will be given countless opportunities to rid NuTANG of hairy protistas. For each protista slaughtered, the member will gain a Protista Point. When (s)he has accumulated a respectable amount, the member can then trade them in for exotic, expensive prizes.

Sounds good, no? But, how exactly does this system work? Everyone knows hairy protistas are extremely menacing, aggressive, and clever creatures. How does PPS facilitate the killing of them? We all want to destroy hairy protistas, but they are just so powerful! How do you know this information?

NuTANG's top scientist, Papagoya, seems to have the answers to all your questions. On the eve of March 6th 2003, Papagoya was attacked by a hairy protista on his walk home from work. As a black belt of thirty-eight martial arts, Papagoya managed to effortlessly rip out the brains of the creature through its left ear. While the protista was discombobulated, Papagoya ran off with the brain.

Papagoya brought the brain to his laboratory. That month he did not sleep. The protista brain became an obsession. Finally, he discovered a flaw in the genetical evolution of the protista kingdom.

To be continued.

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